I’m tired. Tired of pouring effort into messages that seem to go unheard. And you know what that fatigue breeds? Cynicism. And you know what cynicism is good for? Cutting through the bullshit.

So let’s talk about one of the biggest, most sacred cows in the recovery world: Anonymity.

Are you kidding me? Are we serious?

Ninety years ago, someone decided the best way to conquer a life-threatening, soul-crushing disease was to hide from it. We created Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, institutions built on the principle that we should solve our problems in the shadows.

Let’s get real. Is there anything else in life we treat this way?

• When we find faith and get baptized in a church, do we wear a paper bag over our heads? No.
• When we join Weight Watchers because we need to lose weight, do we pretend we’re there for the coffee? No.
• When you’re a diabetic and need insulin, do you hide your syringes and pretend you’re just snacking? Of course not.

We shout these other struggles from the rooftops because we understand that community, support, and accountability are part of the cure. But with alcoholism? The message is: Shhh. Don’t tell anyone. It’s anonymous.

It’s a hilarious, logical fallacy. You’re going to a public meeting to hide your problem? By walking through that door, you’re telling everyone in the room you have an issue. By getting your court slip signed, you’re telling the legal system. The cat is out of the bag, but we’re all pretending it’s still safely hidden in its anonymous container.

The Two Great Myths of Anonymity

We’re told to stay anonymous to protect our jobs and our families. Let’s dismantle that.

Myth #1: Your Employer Doesn’t Know.
Do you really think you’re that clever?

• Alcohol is processed through your breath and your pores. People smell it on you every Monday morning.
• It slurs your speech and clouds your judgment. Your coworkers aren’t fools.
• It impacts your attendance. The “Monday Flu” is a well-known pattern.
• If you disappear during the day for a “quick one” or have three beers at lunch, do you think no one notices?

You spent enormous energy concealing your problem to get hired. The solution isn’t to continue the charade; it’s to finally be honest so you can actually get help and become a better, more reliable employee.

Myth #2: Your Family Doesn’t Know.
This is the most painful delusion. Your spouse isn’t blind. They see the hidden bottles, feel the emotional distance, and bear the weight of your secrecy. You drink alone out of shame, creating a chasm that silence only widens.

What does scripture say about this? Ephesians 4:25 commands us, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” The foundation of a marriage, of any true relationship, is truth. Hiding a problem of this magnitude isn’t protecting your family; it’s lying to them. It is the “falsehood” this verse warns against.

The Gossip in the “Anonymous” Room

And let’s be brutally honest about the rooms of AA itself. The idea that what you say there stays there is the dream of a naive idiot. Your story, your struggles, your divorce details—they become the gossip of the community. Your reputation within that group is built on what you share. There is no true anonymity, only a pretense of it that allows shame to fester.

We live in a world where privacy is an illusion. If you seek medical help, you tell a doctor. If you take medication, it’s on a record. We can’t pretend our addiction is the one secret the world will keep for us.

The Antidote: Radical, Uncomfortable Honesty

This is my argument: The path to healing isn’t through hiding; it’s through radical, uncomfortable honesty.

Shame thrives in darkness. It withers in the light.

You cannot solve a problem you refuse to name openly. The energy you spend concealing your struggle is energy stolen from your recovery. By speaking about it openly, you rob the addiction of its power. You invite true support. You start to rebuild on a foundation of truth, not sand.

As it is written in John 8:32, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

This isn’t about shouting your struggles on every street corner. It’s about stopping the lie with the people who matter: your spouse, your doctor, a trusted friend, and most importantly, yourself.

Anonymity was created with good intentions, but for many, it has become a cage that perpetuates the very shame it sought to alleviate. It’s time to break free.

Stop hiding. Start healing.

Chris Mosser

Author of Grateful Truce & The AGI Dilemma